Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
