I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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