I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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