i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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