He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
should my penis look like a turkey
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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