I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
