the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
barbara walters just said penis...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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