There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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