Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
