After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize