He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
