My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
