The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
