i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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