Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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