i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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