True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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