If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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