Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
