My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
