Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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