I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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