Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
