and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
