I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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