your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
