She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
