I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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