She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
