the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Who died my cat blue again?
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