Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just forgot I was standing up.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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