You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
