i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize