Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
