I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize