This is not my ceiling
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
