He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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