Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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