i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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