i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
