Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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