Where are you?
In a non slutty way
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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