We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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