I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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