Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
