New invention idea: vibrating tampons
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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