Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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