john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
