we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
