ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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