Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
