I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize