he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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