Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
