I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
