I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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