She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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