when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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