I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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