i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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