I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize