i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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