What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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