This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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