Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
