just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
