I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He passed out mid-signature
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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