do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
