remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This is my gift to your gina
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize