we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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