no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We need to feng shui this bitch.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
