sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
