Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
