I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize