Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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