so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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