Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
