high people should be assigned attendants
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
