we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
