Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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