I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
