who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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