I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
one might say we're banned from that church
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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