dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
