About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
