you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
