meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
