Quick, to the slutcave!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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