i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
