I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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