Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
