i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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