I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize