Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
