Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
