Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Mom said you looked used
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
