If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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