Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
