oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
