I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
