i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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