We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
