not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's shark week go big or go home
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
