I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
