Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
