Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
