The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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