At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
