The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
