There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
