That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
