I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Let's paint friendship bongs
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
